89 Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless – Forbes

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Here are the 89 biggest cliches that will help you get promoted to middle management because they’ll make you sound like you know a lot about how organizations operate (along with my handy translations). When possible, you should use these in team meetings or in front of your bosses who will have a say in promoting you:

1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to.

2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts.

3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that….

4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you)

5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially-minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school

6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do

7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist

8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge

9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about

10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind

11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out

12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up

13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit

14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter

15.  It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it

16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people

17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions

18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe?

19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy

20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources

21. Deal with it = Tough cookies

22. By way of housekeeping = This makes the boring stuff I’m about to say sound more official

23. That’s the $64,000 question [sometimes, due to inflation, people will denominate this cliche in millions or billions of dollars] = I don’t know either

24. Let’s square the circle = I’m someone who can unify two team members’ views and sound important

25. It’s our cash cow/protect/milk the cash cow = If that business goes south, we’re all out of a job

26. It’s about synergies/1 + 1 = 3 = I don’t get the math either, but it sounds like more and more is better, right?

27. Who’s going to step up to the plate? = One of you is going to do this and it’s not going to be me

28. We’re eating our own dog food = It sounds gross but we seem like honest folks if we do this.

29. We need to monetize/strategize/analyze/incentivize = When in doubt, stick “-ize” on the end of a word and say we’ve got to do this and 9 out of 10 times, it will sound action-oriented.

30. We did a Five Forces/SWOT analysis/Value Chain analysis = We didn’t really do any of that, but none of you probably even remember Michael Porter, so what the heck

31. It was a perfect storm = We really screwed up but we’re going to blame a bunch of factors that are out of our hands (especially weather)

32. At the end of the day…. = OK, enough talking back and forth, we’re going to do what I want to do

33. Who’s got the ‘R’? [i.e., responsibility to do what we just spent 20 minutes talking about aimlessly] = If I ask the question, it won’t be assigned to me

34. Let’s put lipstick on this pig = plug your nose

35. I’m putting a stake in the ground here… = I’m a leader, simply because I’m using this cliche

36. We’re customer-focused/proactive/results-oriented = That can’t be bad, right?  This is motherhood and apple pie stuff

37. Our visibility into the quarter is a little fuzzy = Sales just fell off a cliff

38. That’s not our core competency/we’re sticking to our knitting= We’re just glad we’re making money in one business, because we’d have no clue how to get into any other business

39. Well, we’re facing some headwinds there = You put your finger on the area we’re panicking over

40. It’s a one-off = Do whatever they want to close the sale

41. Incent it = That’s not a verb but I just made it into one because I’m a man/woman of action

42. I’m an agent of change = This makes it sound like I know how to handle the chaos that our business is constantly going through

43. We’ve got to do a little more due diligence there = Don’t have a clue but does that legal term make me sound detail-oriented?

44. Don’t leave money on the table = Be as greedy with them as possible

45. We take a “ready, fire, aim” approach here = We totally operate on a seat-of-the-pants basis

46. Hope is not a strategy = I don’t have a strategy, but this makes it sound like I’m above people who also don’t have a strategy

47. We have to tear down the silos internally = Our organizational structure is such a mess that I’m going to be under-mined by other departments at every turn

48. I don’t think it will move the needle = This won’t get my boss excited

49. Good to put a face to the name = I’d really rather talk to that person behind you

50. Let’s take the 30,000 foot view… = I like to think I see the big picture

51. It’s the old 80-20 rule = I really have no idea what the rule was, but I just want to focus on the things that will make us successful

52. We need to manage expectations = Get ready to start sucking up to people

53. It’s not actionable enough/what’s the deliverable? = You guys do the work on refining the idea. I’m too tired.

54. My 2 cents is… = This opinion is worth a heck of a lot more than 2 cents

55. I’m going to sound like a broken record here… = I want to clearly point out to you idiots that I’ve made this point several times before

56. We’ve got too many chiefs and not enough Indians = I want to be the Chief

57. Going forward = Don’t screw up like this again

58. My people know I’ve got an open door policy = I’ve told my direct reports to come to me if they have a problem, so why should I feel bad if they complain I’m too busy to talk to them?

59. It’s gone viral = Someone sent a tweet about this

60. I know you’ve been burning the candle on both ends = Get ready to do some more

61. It’s scalable = We can sell a lot of it in theory

62. It’s best-of-breed = We hired a market research firm to say that

63. We’re all about value-add = Unlike our competitors who seek to add no value

64. What’s our go-to-market? = Has anyone planned this out, because I’ve been too busy?

65. I’m drinking from a fire hose right now = I want a little sympathy over here, because I’m tired of carrying this company on my back

66. We’re getting some push back = They’re not buying it

67. We need to do a level-set = I’ve never been inside a Home Depot, but this phrase makes me sound handy

68. It’s basic blocking and tackling = How could you screw this up? I also played high school football and those were the best days of my life.

69. Let’s put our game faces on = Get serious, guys

70. We’ve got it covered from soup to nuts = I have no idea what that means, but don’t you dare question my prep work on it

71. We don’t want to get thrown under the bus = So let’s throw someone else first

72. But to close the loop on this… = Always the more theoretical Business Development/Strategy guys who say this, so they can sound thorough

73.  What are “next steps”? = Did anyone take notes during the last 90 minutes of this meeting?

74. This is low-hanging fruit = Get this done quickly

75. We need a few quick wins = We’ve got to trick people into thinking we know what we’re doing by some successes we can point to and claim as ours

76. It’s a [Insert Company Name] killer = Did I get your attention yet with the Freddy Kreuger imagery associated with the company who’s currently eating our lunch?

77. I want to address the elephant in the room = I know you think I’m trying to cover up/gloss over something, so I might as well talk about it

78. This is the next big thing/new thing = Some of our 20-somethings have told me this is really cool

79. This time it’s different because… = Don’t wait for the explanation… simply run for the hills.

80. What are the best practices on this? = How can I cover my behind that we’re just doing stuff the way other good people have supposedly done this?

81. This is our deliverable = I know this sounds like something that comes in a body bag, but it makes our PowerPoint sound tougher than it actually is

82. We’ll loop you in when we need to = You’re not that important to know about all the details on this

83. We want this to move up and to the right = I failed high school algebra but someone said this means we’ll be making a lot of money if this happens

84. We’re going through a re-org = No one knows what the heck is going on at the moment

85. We’ve got to increase our mind-share with the customer = I think I would have been happier as a doctor doing lobotomies than in marketing as a career path

86. I don’t think you’re comparing apples to apples = Let me tell you how you should really think about this issue

87. Let’s peel back the onion on this = I want to sound thorough so this is a better way of telling you that than simply clearing my throat

88. You phoned it in = I was too busy checking my email during your presentation that I didn’t listen

89. I want you to run with this = I just threw you into the deep end of the pool and you’re on your own to figure it out

If you commit all these 89 to memory, I confer onto you an MBA of Business Cliches. Congratulations!

10 Reminders Worth Reviewing Daily

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  1. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything that you are.  We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  Insecurity is what’s ugly, not you.  Accept yourself!  Be you, just the way you are, in the beautiful way only you know how.
  2. The biggest obstacles in your life are the barriers your mind creates.  Worrying will never change the outcome.  When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.  And do not let where you start, define where you will end up; only your actions and willpower determine that.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.
  3. Sometimes to get where you want to go, you have to do what you are afraid to do.  You must be brave and push forward.  Miracles occur when you give as much attention and energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.
  4. You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.  It starts with a dream.  Add confidence, and it becomes abelief.  Add commitment, and it becomes a goal in sight.  Add action, and it becomes a part of your life.  Add determination and time, and your dream comes true.  Read The Magic of Thinking Big.
  5. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, you just have to take the first step.  Taking this first step is always the hardest.  But then each subsequent step gets easier and easier.  And with each step you get closer and closer to what you seek.  Until eventually, what had once been invisible, starts to become visible, and what had once felt unattainable, becomes a reality.
  6. No matter how many times you revisit the past, there’s nothing new to see.  Focus on the next step.  Just because you’ve made mistakes doesn’t mean your mistakes get to make you.  Tame your inner critic,forgive yourself and move on. Let your old problems stay where they belong – in the past.  You must make a conscious effort to do this, it won’t happen automatically.  You will have to rise up and say, “I don’t care how hard this is.  I don’t care how disappointed I am.  I’m not going to let this get the best of me.  I’m taking this as a lesson and moving on with my life.”
  7. No matter how difficult things were yesterday, you are armed with the ability and choice to do better today.  A complete turnaround may not happen instantly, but don’t let that deter you from knowing that it will someday.  The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.  Learn from it and don’t give up.
  8. Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.  Believe with all your heart that you will follow your passion and do what you were made to do.  There is no happiness and success to be found by playing it safe and settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
  9. You can only be yourself, and other people can only be themselves.  Sometimes we try to be sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image of what we want them to be – what we think we need, love or desire.  But these actions and perceptions are against reality, against their benefit and ours, and always end in disappointment – because it does not fit them.  Remember you have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are.  So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.
  10. Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you’re doing is breathing.  Life can get so crazy and complicated, but always take the time to slow down, reflect, and appreciate what you have.  There is always someone out there who wishes that had what you have right now.

When you don’t know what to do, act – Harvard Business Review

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http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/03/what_to_do_when_you_dont_know.html?cm_mmc=email-_-newsletter-_-management_tip-_-tip061812&referral=00203&utm_source=newsletter_management_tip&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tip061812

Are you frustrated? We know we are.

Most of us prepared hard for the future we expected, and yet things aren’t working out as we had planned. That’s true if you have been laid off, are a recent college graduate who feels underemployed, or are a manager facing constant upheavals at work, even if you are the boss, because you are wrestling with disruptive technologies and new competitors who seemingly come out of nowhere to upend your industry.

All of this is extremely confusing and unsettling.

This is not how we were told it was going to be. Growing up we were led to believe that the future was predictable enough, and if we studied hard we could obtain the work we wanted in an environment we understood, and we would live happy and successful lives.

It hasn’t exactly worked out that way (even for those of us who are happy). Many of us, maybe most, are not making progress on achieving the things we want.

We think the reason is pretty simple. The way we were taught to think and act works well in a predictable future, but not so much in the world as it is now.

You know the steps for dealing with a predictable universe:

1. You (or your parents, teachers, or bosses) forecast how the future will be. 
2. You construct a number of plans for achieving that future, picking the optimal one. 
3. You amass all the necessary resources (education, money, etc.) necessary to achieve your plan.
4. And then you go out and make that plan a reality.

We have become so indoctrinated with this way of thinking by our education and our organizations that it is more or less the only way we approach anything.

But what is a very smart approach in a knowable or predictable future is not smart at all when things can’t be predicted. And that fact is at the heart of the frustrations most of us feel. Things simply aren’t as predictable as they once were.

In a world where you can no longer plan or predict your way to success, what is the best way to achieve your goals? It’s a daunting question, but today — when saying «change seems to be the only constant» has become a cliché because it is so true — it’s one everyone has to resolve.

Here’s the central point of our new book, Just Start (and this blog post): When the future is unknowable (Is quitting your job and starting something new a good idea? Will the prototype we are developing at work find a market?), how we traditionally reason is extremely limited in predicting what will happen.

You need a different approach.

We have one. There is a proven method for navigating in an uncertain world, an approach that will complement the kind of reasoning we have all been taught. It will help you deal with high levels of uncertainty no matter what kind of situation you face. We know it works because entrepreneurs — the people who have to deal with uncertainty every day — use it successfully all the time. It is also the approach that is used by Babson College — the world’s number-one school for entrepreneurship, of which one of us is president.

Babson calls the approach «entrepreneurial thought and action,» but we use a simple shorthand and call it «Act, Learn, Build, Repeat.»

Based on the research of Saras D. Sarasvathy, of the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business, and similar work by others at Babson College, this approach is a time-tested process for dealing with the unknown.

Put simply, in the face of an unknown future, entrepreneurs act. They deal with uncertainty not by trying to analyze it, or planning for every contingency, or predicting what the outcomes will be. Instead, they act, learn from what they find, and act again. More specifically the process looks like this.

1. Start with desire. You find/think of something you want. You don’t need a lot of passion, you only need sufficient desire to get started. («I really want to start a restaurant, but I haven’t a clue if I will ever be able to open one.»)

2. Take a smart step as quickly as you can toward your goal. What’s a smart step? It’s one where you act quickly with the means at hand. What you know, who you know, and anything else that’s available. («I know a great chef, and if I beg all my family and friends to back me, I might have enough money to open a place.») You make sure that step is never going to cost more than it would be acceptable to you to lose should things not work out. And you bring others along to acquire more resources, spread the risk and confirm the quality of your idea.

3. Reflect and build on what you have learned from taking that step. You need to do that because every time you act, reality changes. Sometimes the step you take gets you nearer to what you want («I should be able to afford something just outside of downtown»); sometimes what you want changes («It looks likes there are an awful lot of Italian restaurants nearby. We are going to have to rethink our menu.») If you pay attention, you always learn something. So after you act, ask: Did those actions get you closer to your goal? («Yes. It looks like I will be able to open a restaurant.») Do you need additional resources to draw even closer? («Yes. I’ll need to find another chef. The one I know can only do Italian.») Do you still want to obtain your objective? («Yes.»)

4. Repeat.

Act. Learn. Build. Repeat. This is how successful serial entrepreneurs conquer uncertainty. What works for them will work for all of us.